How do you make a piano laugh?
Tickle its ivories.
How many ears has Captain Kirk got?
Three – his left ear, his right ear, and the final frontier!
Teacher to pupils; One Of the most important documents in English history was the Magna Carta. Now, does anyone know where it was signed?
Pupil: At the bottom, Miss?
What is red and black, red and black, red and black?
A zebra with sunburn.
Why was the mother flea so upset when her children all left her?
She realised they were all going to the dogs.
What did the scarf say to the hat?
You go on ahead and I’ll just hang around.
How do you make a Swiss roll?
Push him off the mountain.
What is Dracula’s least favourite meal?
Steak.
hahahahaha…..nice!!
how are you today hun???
Panorama – April Fool’s Day Hoax – Spaghetti Harvest – 1st April 1957
This Greater Swiss Mountain Dog T-Shirt has undergone extensive quality control before reaching you. We have over 10 years experience in selling shirts on the internet. The shirts are created by us and are even customizable! Just contact our great customer service for any inquiries….
Nothing lifts the spirits like a good yodel, but most of us don’t have the skill to yodel on cue. That’s where the Emergency Yodel Button comes in. Keep this 4″ x 3″ x 5/8″ (10.2 cm x 7.6 cm x 1.6 cm) plastic device with you at all times and when the need arises, press the button to hear the sweet mellifluous warbling of an alpine yodel. Also includes a hole in the back so you can easily hang it o…
This digital document is an article from Swiss News, published by Swiss News on November 1, 2008. The length of the article is 533 words. The page length shown above is based on a typical 300-word page. The article is delivered in HTML format and is available immediately after purchase. You can view it with any web browser.Citation DetailsTitle: It’s snow joke: I am a little bit like Paul Simon. W…
Do cats make you happy!, kinda like apples except ypu cannot devour them when you are really hungry?
Cake makes me really happy and I love eating it, I donno what to do, b/c of cake i am 38 years old and 5’2″ and 543 pounds. PS i am not joking. I am writing this from a laptop in a obesity clinic. I also love Ice cream covered in buttery ham and saturated swiss cheese. I am a fan of cottage cheese stiry fry with bits of fish tossed in it. Best answer goes to most helpful!
no, the best is bacon fat drizzled over ice cream topped with a huge stick of real butter! cures me of that pesky cake craving every time!
This Greater Swiss Mountain Dog T-Shirt has undergone extensive quality control before reaching you. We have over 10 years experience in selling shirts on the internet. The shirts are created by us and are even customizable! Just contact our great customer service for any inquiries….
This digital document is an article from Swiss News, published by Swiss News on November 1, 2008. The length of the article is 533 words. The page length shown above is based on a typical 300-word page. The article is delivered in HTML format and is available immediately after purchase. You can view it with any web browser.Citation DetailsTitle: It’s snow joke: I am a little bit like Paul Simon. W…
London 2012 OIympics: female boxer is Afghanistan’s best medal hope
A female boxer is war-torn nation’s best chance of a medal in 2012. Adultery Ain’t Right – Cracking Jokes Humor Church 3 – Co-Pastor Susie Owens
Enjoy reading hundreds of jokes! Jokes are for you, to read them, have fun, and enjoy your life. Jokes provide a mix of motivation and proven methods to supercharge your life. Jokes are mantra people should chant. This book helps you not only see the joy that short free intervals can bring but it gives you ways to bring it to life. Buy this book only if you truly want to enjoy your free time, leis…
ok could anyone send me some jokes i havent heard ne good ones in a long time?
i prefer if they are dirty or racy.
The Urinalysis
One day, John’s tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor’s office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he’d have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.
“So that tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?” the doctor said.
“The nurse must have told you,” said John, wondering how the Doctor knew.
“No. It was in your urinalysis.” and the doctor continued to say that he had just purchased this new machine that could diagnose every physical condition with total accuracy based on the urine contents. John didn’t believe a word of this but he did agree to provide another urine sample on check-up visit.
Two days later, John was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife and his teenage daughter. He was telling them about this ridiculous machine. When John decided to have a little fun with the doctor. John pissed in the bottle as did his wife and teenage daughter. Then while walking to his garage he had a brainstorm. John put a few drops of oil from his crankcase in the jar and finally beat off and put a few drops of semen in the jar. He drove to the doctors office, shook the bottle, then handed it to the nurse. This time his urinalysis took half an hour. Finally, John was ushered in to see the doctor.
The doctor looked at him and said, “I’ve got some bad news, smartass. Your daughter is pregnant, your wife’s got V. D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don’t stop beating off, that tennis elbow is never gonna heal!”
A 24-track “double play” collection featuring music by Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings.
Track listing:
1. Waylon Jennings – Crying
2. Willie Nelson – The Ghost
3. Waylon Jennings – Sally Was A Good Old Girl
4. Willie Nelson – Let’s Pretend
5. Waylon Jennings – Abilene
6. Willie Nelson – I’m Gonna Lose A Lot Of Teardrops
7. Waylon Jennings – It’s So Easy
8. Willie Nelson – Wasting Time
9. Waylon …
Track listing:
1. What A Way To Live
2. Misery Mansion
3. Rainy Day Blues
4. Night Life
5. Man With The Blues
6. The Storm Has Just Begun
7. Got You On My Mind
8. These Days
9. Mississippi Woman
10. Why You Been Gone So Long
11. Mary Magdelene
12. West Virginia Man…
Pick from the petite form-fitting babydoll style or standard regular fit womens style. Please refer to our sizing chart for measurements.This design also available as a men’s tee shirt, and a men’s hoodie and sweat shirt in our other amazon.com listings….
Here is the first one, my personal fave;
1)
The fang shone
the full moon hides.
A cloud covers the light of eternity,
living immortal.
Like a never-ending ferris wheel,
the spokes each a season.
Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer,
all tied and continued.
Pale skin flawless,
red-gold eyes gleaming,
hard skin unbreakable,
the cold blood pulses.
Forever.
Also, tell me if you understood what I was describing and if you got my deeper meaning
next…
2)
Crushing the words
caught in the throat
demolished.
Turned to powder.
All but a stifled caugh I manage.
Merely a joke to the mighty roar.
The dark one falls,
the beauty of emerald.
Eyes sparkling like stars
wings darker than night,
where he descends,
his evil amends.
Pale skin gleaming,
fangs beaming.
Thanks! I hope you liked them! (please no rude comments i’m only 13) I love you guys!
Vampires!
Haha, yeah, I like them (:
Edith Piaf ~”Autumn Leaves”~ Christmas Eve Live Performance
The Haasan who is making waves on Tamil television
Anu Haasan on her Tamil talk show and her illustrious family. UFOs Aliens Truth Proof Facts Evidence Honesty
In Geoffrey Hayes’s fifth Otto and Uncle Tooth mystery, Ducky Doodlediscovers that Doctor Ocular and his floating laboratory of rare sea monstersare fakes! But can he save the town hundreds of dollars in ticketsales–or will the mad doctor get away with his greedy plan? …
A mysterious villain is tripping the poor, innocent students at Dizzie Day Elementary School. They’re tripping; they’re flipping; they’re flying through the air! Worst of all, they’re losing their homework as they fall. The whole town is in a frenzy searching for the boot-wearing culprit . . . until one student makes a startling confession. With vivid illustrations…
Discover the joy of playing with your family in Play Together, Stay Together: Games to Fortify Your Family.
Brittany Thompson, a professional game player and fun seeker, brings together a variety of games that are sure to entertain and teach your family valuable principles. By simply playing games with your family, you can increase unity and love, and teach children the importance of honesty, dep…
why does my hair grow realy fast then when it gets to this point it just stops?
like a month ago i got layers and the shortest was and inch away from top and now its all grow out and when my hair gets an inch past my shoulders it just stops it does NOT grow whats so ever im not joking the longest ive had my hair is 2 inches past my shoulders and its so annpying anyway whats a way to break this to make it grow really long?
getting ur ends cut makes ur hair grow faster cause it’s healthy then when ur ends split again they don’t grw as fast
Pick from the petite form-fitting babydoll style or standard regular fit womens style. Please refer to our sizing chart for measurements.This design also available as a men’s Tee shirt, and a men’s hoodie and sweat shirt in our other amazon.com listings….
“The history of diet plan dated from the moment that the first monkey evoluted to be a lady”. My confidant jessica always says so. Wow, you may get the point. Just as what she says, her “process of becoming beauty” turns out to be a long long road like the human being evolution history. When we were sophomore, I had to catch her back to our dormitory from square, because this guy actually asked me such questions, “wil, why are there so much candy floating on ground? Are they sweety? Could I have them?”. Well, you couldn’t eat them until you became transformer. I told myself. What could I do? The only thing was to buy real candy and huge hamburgs feeding this extreme hungry girl having no food for three days! Then the next time, I saved her life from endless jogging and aerobic training. After that, jessica experiences differential “keep-fit” programs, and I go through kinds of rescue stories. The only result I get from jessica’s lession is that losing weight is really really hard, and beauty is cruel. I comfort myselt that it is not bad to be Ugly Betty, at least I could be safe and I am alive. Yet one day, jessica turns up again, glamorously and brightly. No baby fat, no laziness, but body tight and healthy! I even couldn’t believe my eyes. What have you met? A generous orthopedic surgeon? She smiles mysteriously, and gives me the data. What is it? I read it with suspicion at first. Yet during the process of reading, I am really convinced of by Isabel De Rios. Yes, that is the truth of beauty—no harm for health, and be energetic. Then I do some detailed study on The Diet Solution Program, Isabel De Rios’ theory. I find that two new viewpoints bright Diet Solution Program. The first is that you are what you eat. Of course we eat everyday, and acquire energy from food. Yet maybe people don’t know that some food are good—nutritional for them; some food are bad—harmful for them. The Diet Solution Program tells people how to choose food, and what and when to eat. The second is to free people’s nature, so they could design their own diet plans on different circumstances. It means that people will not obey strict rules, for example people could only have one apple a day, or the calories is less than 100. Otherwise the diet plan would be failed! To be frank, I have never met such easy and useful the diet solution program. Only a few days later. I feel the whole body is full of energy, the fat disappears, even the pores on face is smaller. What a magic program! You could read the ebook here , and another beautiful one for yourself.
37 hours of labor lead to 1 bundle of joy
RHINEBECK — Dressed in a stars and stripes bikini, AnnMarie Shirley leans into her sister’s arms as they rock through her agonizing labor pains. [RR] [HoL] His Asian Eyes [HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAHLO AND ECCHI :3]
My friend is black, and I am white. We joke around a lot because she always talks very proper around other white people so they think she is less urban. But, around me she gets totally urban, and it is so funny. I try to talk really ghetto to her, because she thinks it is so hilarious. I need some more really urban or ghetto phrases to speak with her to get her to laugh. She’s pretty down lately because she has experienced a lot of tragedy. I just want to make her laugh. Any phrases that are outlandish come to mind? Thanks!
I love you guys!