Do you get this joke, and is it funny? Best reply 10 points.?
There’s a joke. A Norwegian, and Swede, and a Dane were at a party. The Norwegian and the Swede were waiting to be introduced and the Dane was cracking jokes.
are Danish people supposed to be rude and very involved in jokes? I don’t know, maybe you have to know the stereotypes
Norwegian culture part one – Norways funniest prank!
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A bloke in a temperance hall is giving a lecture on the evils of the demon drink. To illustrate his point, he’d got two glasses in front of him, each with a big worm in it. He poured water in one glass and whisky in the other. The worm in the glass of water swam happily about with no ill effects. The worm in the whisky, needless to say, died within a minute or so.
“Now,” said the jubilant lecturer to his audience “what does that little experiment tell you?”
“It tells us,”said a voice from the back of the room, “if you’ve got worms you should drink a lot of whisky!”
I’m not saying my wife’s a bad driver but….
I got home yesterday and found the car in the living room.
“How did you get there?” I screamed.
“Simple,” came the reply. “When I got to the kitchen I turned left.”
Sorry if they’ve been on here before. Thanks for looking!
Please star if funny…
thanks Brian G! Nice to get a positive answer to my first question!
Thanks everyone!
Ok this joke was told to me yesterday and i loved it!
there are three grad students at one of their classes. they are all three from a different school.
so the teacher asks the one from aTm “what is the opposite of depression?”
and he answers “happiness.”
then the teacher asks the one from tennesee “What is the opposite of joy?”
and she says “depression.”
so THEN he asks the student from osu “what is the opposite of woe?”
and he said” sir, i believe that would be ‘giddy up’ “!!!
ha ha ha ha!!
funny
“Do you know the worst place to be in a major earthquake? In a hospital operating room getting a vasectomy. Do you know the best place to be? A Hooters restaurant.”
This guy is going through a nasty divorce. One night he’s sitting at a bar getting plastered. Suddenly he raises his head, looks over his shoulder to his left and yells, “You women are all bitches!” then goes back to staring into his drink.
Five minutes later he raises his head looks over his shoulder to his right and yells, “You women are all whores!”
To that a women stands up and says, “I am not a whore!”
The guy keeps looking at his glass and says, “Then get to the other side.”
One day a couple was sitting around a table discussing all the good and bad times they had together in their marriage. After a while the husband goes to the wife: “I’ll bet you can’t tell me something that is good and bad at the same time.”
So the wife thought to herself for a while and then replied: “Well you’ve got a bigger penis than your brother’s”
“My daughter lives in a penthouse apartment in Miami ,” reports Sadie to her friend Sophie. “She goes out to dinner every night at a different restaurant, has beautiful furs and clothes, and lots of boyfriends.”
“How interesting!” Sophie replies. “My daughter’s a whore, too.”
“Okay, class, we’re going to play a game today,” said the third grade teacher. “I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word ‘perhaps’ in it.”
She then goes around the room asking each child.
Mikey says, “Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won’t give us any homework.”
The teacher says, “Very good, Mikey.”
Clair says, “The sky is very dark, perhaps it’s going to rain.”
The teacher says, “Very good, Clair.”
Little Johnny says, “Yesterday, when I got home from school my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna **** on the piano.”
A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I’ve got this problem, only you’ve got to promise not to laugh.”
The doctor replies, “Of course I won’t laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I’ve never laughed at a patient.”
“OK then,” says the man, and he drops his trousers.
The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor.
Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” he says to the patient, “I don’t know what came over me. I won’t let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?”
The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, “It’s swollen.”
Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them. One eagle says to the other, “Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?”
The other replies, “Yeah. You’d move fast too if you had three butt holes and they were all on fire!”
Do you know why men are so concerned about the size of their penises? Because they should be. I’ve noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot. It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there: They have no wife to go home to…. OR they do.
One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death.
“Oh, ****!” the woman thought, “what a stupid way to die.”
Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman.
Delirious from shock, the woman shouted, “Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!”
The man replied, “Do you suck?”
Stunned at this, the woman said, “No, I don’t suck!”
And with that, the man let go of her.
“****!” the woman thought as she began to plummet again.
Suddenly, another set of arms grabbed her at the 9th floor.
“Thank God!” she screamed. “I would have died if it weren’t for you!”
The man asked, “Do you ****?”
Absolutely aghast, the woman answered, “No, I don’t ****!”
Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there.
Falling again, the woman thought that she would surely die.
Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted, “I suck! I ****!”
“****,” the man said, and dropped her.
Little Johnny has always had a fascination with sex, and always talked to his parents about it. One evening, the conversation got around to talking about penis’s.
Johnny’s dad tried to explain it to Johnny in a child like way.
“Well Johnny, your penis sleeps for a very long time. Sometimes when it is around women, it wakes up, stretches and grows to about 5 inches long and…”
“Dad”, interrupted Johnny, “That sounds a bit small. Mum said that Bob’s next door is twice as big!!!”
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving “right now” she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!”
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.
A guy runs into his ex-girlfriend at a bar.
“I had sex with another woman last night,” he tells her. “But I was thinking of you the whole time.”
“You miss me that much?” she asks.
“No”, he says. “But it kept me from coming too fast.”
“The porn industry totally shut down. They estimate that this porn shutdown has put over 6,000 actors and actresses out of work, 400 cameramen, and 1 writer.”
One day George Bush was sitting in his oval office when his secretary came in.
The secretary informed Bush that “3 Brazilian soldiers has been killed in an ambush”
Upon hearing this news Bush’s face began to sadden and began to sob and then a burst into tears.
The secretary asked why he was crying.
Bush replied “Damn Bill that is awful news, but please tell me something”
“What is it sir?”
“How many zeros are there in one Brazillion??”
Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.”
Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough consultants.”
Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.”
Employer: “More than we can use already.”
Applicant: As he is getting desperate, “I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk. If you have too many, I’ll start as a janitor.”
Employer: “It just doesn’t seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications.”
Applicant: As he stands up and angrily yells, “Work for you? I’d have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!”
Employer: “Well, you didn’t say you were an attorney, have a seat, we may have an opening.”
Elly, a blonde, is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.”
A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker.
“Wonderful!” she replied, “However, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?”
Every day (and night) I get tons of phone calls from telemarketers trying to sell me something. I hate these calls, but I always try to be polite when I say No Thank You. One night, I had a very persistent telemarketer, and no matter how many times and ways I said No thank you, not interested, he would not let up. I finally said, “Listen, I am not financially in a position to buy anything right now. I am broke and on the verge of bankruptcy.”
Without missing a beat, the telemarketer said to me, “I understand what you mean. Why do you think I have this job right now?”
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An American Soldier, a Scholar of high repute in top University, and a Prince, writes here: protesting bad treatment to our women, specifically, young boys and men cheating on their girl friends. The author is also protesting cruel treatment to our children by bad people molesting, raping and killing our children, and the author has prescribed special punishment to have child molesters head cut o…
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want an English mailing list group on yahoo groups or google groups?
Hi..
I want an English group on yahoo groups or google groups that send everything useful..I want it of different subjects like:
Entertainment Group for humor, wallpapers, e-cards and entertainment services online, Funny Pictures, Interesting Articles , Jokes , Videos , Celebrity Gossips , Poetry , Stories , Sms, Presentations, Cartoons , Amazing Facts, science….etc.
please don’t tell me search in yahoo groups or google groups because it’s hard to me.. I want one to select a good group for that..
Best Wishes
I would not be so aggressive. You are apparently a very knowledgeable person, but you can not learn everything at once. And you can’t expect to find another person like yourself. So pick your number 1 interest and concentrate on it. When this gets dull, then move on to your number 2 interest and so on. I hope this helps you get moving again.
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thanks for reading, last installment (promise). anyway this dipso that works on site was taken on full time. he hasnt a clue about the building game, hes unskilled and an obnoxious troll. he runs about the site acting like hes a foreman, he drinks on site on the sly. hes dangerous to all around him. he does sod all, even the trades joke about him. my ultimate question is what do i do about him?, i cant smack him or i’ll get done for it. i cant grass him up because thats not the done thing. the site managers main concern is health and safety, i think i’ll inform the HSE and see what they think of one of the firms employees turning a blind eye when one of his staff is coming back on site after being to the bar at lunchtime when he was already intoxicated. this is a building site after all.
many thanks for reading and answering i wish you all a happy monday in work, cuz i sure as hell wont have one.
as i said in part 2 jack the job in i,ve been in the construction industry all my life as a trademan and seen numorous thing`s that i did not agree with but you have to live with it or as i said jack the job in